I am grateful to have the opportunity of speaking with these two fine young men. I still remember delivering my homecoming address and how good it felt to have served honorably through what up to that point in my life was the greatest adversity I had faced. I hope Daniel feels the same sense of divine approval and that Duncan will seek it as he goes out to serve.
Several years ago, I expressed the following: “Seasonal storms still find occasion to visit my home. Our home is presently under siege by the worst we have ever encountered. Perhaps someday it will be a story to tell, but presently let it suffice to say that it is ‘sore--how sore you know not...how hard to bear you know not’--yea, how hard to bear I know not, for I am safely in the eye of the hurricane, where there is quiet, and a yellow sky (D&C 19:15). My Savior is suffering the exquisiteness of the surrounding storm, enabling repentance, forgiveness, and peace. More than ever, I need the atonement to work in my life, and I know that it is.”
Years later, it is still not a story broadly told, but I can tell you that the atonement works. Despite the worst adversity our family has encountered to date, happiness has prevailed.
What is the worst adversity that you have ever suffered? What were the circumstances? How did you feel? Was anyone at fault or was it a condition of mortality? Could you avoid it in the future?
Can you recall what is likely the worst adversity that our Father in Heaven has ever suffered? It occurred in the premortal life when we lived in His presence. He related, “[Lucifer] rebelled against me…and also a third part of the hosts of heaven turned he away from me” (D&C 29:36). Of such rebellion, He elsewhere laments, “Wherefore, for this…the heavens weep” (Moses 7:40). Can you imagine forever losing a third of your children? And to the most manipulative little son of…well, he’s your son. Your own son did this to you.
Even our omnipotent Father living in the highest kingdom of glory does not escape soul-crushing adversity. If you think adversity is to be avoided, it’s time to reset your expectations.
I think that we have all dreamt up our own ideas of what life in the celestial kingdom is like. There is little directly revealed about it, so we often build up in our minds a personal paradise based on our own preferences and experiences. We add in the good and avoid the bad. Any form of adversity is often classified as bad and simply omitted from our ideals.
When we recently asked our children to describe a perfect day, my nine year old daughter, Cameron, said she wanted to have a “yes day.” Apparently, there is a recent movie about this where all of the kids' requests are answered with “yes.” I found it curious that rather than identifying what she would include in her perfect day, she identified what she would exclude: adversity. She wants what she wants when she wants it, so, instead of doing the work to think about what she desires upfront, she deferred and imagined a day without anyone in her way.
Unfortunately, I don’t think she’ll ever have her agency-arresting aspirations realized. You see, we already waged a war over this tradeoff, and the outcome was: agency is worth adversity (Abraham 3:27-28). Adversity’s here to stay–and not just through mortality, but into eternity.
But that truth doesn’t stop Satan from selling us a lie. Why did Cameron want to have a yes day? Why do we omit adversity from our imagined heaven? Why do we think of peace as the absence of conflict?
Jesus addressed our misunderstandings when he taught us, “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid” (John 14:27). His peace is not free of conflict nor is His rest free from work (Alma 13:13). And if we were intended to not expect adversity, why would he yet counsel us not to be afraid?
We cannot naively accept the world’s expectations surrounding adversity, peace, and rest and then cry foul when our expectations are not met. The more we can align our expectations with the truth, the less often they will be violated. Jesus counseled us to follow Him, so we should be able to see what’s in store simply by reviewing where He went. This is important, because depending upon our understanding, we may react as either Job or his wife from this conversation in the thick of their adversity.
“Then said [Job’s] wife unto him, Dost thou still retain thine integrity? curse God, and die. But he said unto her, Thou speakest as one of the foolish…What? shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil?” (Job 2:9-10). Don’t curse God and die. He’s the one best positioned to help you!
Now, just because adversity is to be expected doesn’t mean that you need to welcome it with open arms, and you certainly don’t need to suffer it all alone. When Jesus confronted the Atonement, He confided in and sought the company of His friends saying, “My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death: tarry ye here, and watch with me” (Matthew 26:38).
Then, Jesus went to His Father in prayer not just once, but three times seeking any other means to the same ends. He wanted to avoid the adversity if possible, but, nevertheless, was willing to work. Though it may hurt to expect, Jesus demonstrated that it does not hurt to ask.
So then what are we to understand about peace and rest? Why are they so elusive, so difficult to define let alone obtain? I don’t know that I know any better than you, but I’ll share what I’ve refined so far.
For me, peace and rest are a result of knowing what my purpose is and a surety that it is achievable. As already noticed, I cannot avoid the adverse agency of others, but I can manage myself.
So first, what is our purpose? Lehi provided the simple answer, “men are, that they might have joy” (2 Nephi 2:25). That’s it. Is it so hard to believe that we exist to be happy? What other pursuit do you find people engaged in?
If happiness is our purpose, then it is helpful to know that happiness does not exist in a vacuum. Eternal happiness only exists in an eternally progressing society because happiness is hindered by hedonism. What brought you joy yesterday is old hat today.
Years ago, I attended a team-building offsite event with hundreds of co-workers from Google. Our destination was Disneyland, but I was not particularly excited about it because I was an adult attending with a bunch of other adults. Maybe some adults still see the “magic” in the kingdom, but it was lost on me. One of my co-workers who felt similarly suggested that Disney should rent out four-year-olds at the gates, so that adults could at least enjoy the reflected wonder in their eyes.
As I progress in years, I find that that same principle applies to more and more of the experiences of life. What once I primarily enjoyed consuming myself, I now find more joy in by sharing with others.
As we follow that pattern to its natural conclusion, given an eternity, we’ll eventually have experienced everything ourselves. It may be that the only enduring joy will be found in sharing those experiences anew with others. God experiences eternal joy by sharing with his progressing posterity, a “continuation of the seeds forever” (D&C 132:19). I might question it some days, but joy is worth the adversity of children.
So our purpose is happiness, but is it achievable? Some days it seems hard. Well, my kids know that I have something to say about hard. When my children encounter a challenge that they do not want to engage in, they have a habit of complaining that it is “too hard.” Sometimes, they’ll even try this complaint on something they have already accomplished at least once before. That annoys me to no end, and I’m sure my response irks them just as much. “No, it is not too hard. You already did it, right? It is hard to do, but you tried hard until you could do it, and you can try again.”
Brethren and sisters, there will be no shortage of hard things in mortality or eternity, but we can hope with the utmost assurance that nothing critical to our eternal happiness will ever be too hard. Our covenant relationship with Christ has the power to transform too hard into merely hard.
Yes, we’ll still have to try hard, but that covenant gives me peace and rest. I know that as long as we give our best, we’ll have happiness.
I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.